Before The Worst
by shawn-n-belle
Summary: The gun fires, the medical examiner cries out and Jane Rizzoli's entire world falls apart. This can not be happening. Not now. Not like this.
1. Chapter 1

Before The Worst

**Author: **Brittany

**Tagline: **_"Sacrificing your happiness, your life, for the one that you love, is by far the truest type of love." _- Unknown.

**Summary: **The gun fires, the medical examiner cries out and Jane Rizzoli's entire world falls apart. This can not be happening. Not now. Not like this.

**Pairing: **Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles

**Spoilers: **1X10: When The Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang

**Rated: **R. As some material may not be appropriate for all individuals.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **My first time writing Rizzoli and Isles, I don't expect this to be all that good but perhaps you will enjoy it. Just a little plot bunny that has been running around in my head for the past three days. Please shoot me some feedback because I can't improve if you don't tell me what's wrong. ;)

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"_It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point, all the fear, the pain, and the crap, maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up,"_- Alex Karev

**Chapter One**

Growing up, Jane Rizzoli had always been good at calling things before they happened. The winner of the local basketball tournament. Who would win the Super Bowl that year. What they were getting for Christmas. Exactly how bad their punishment would be after they were caught doing something they knew better than. How much money their grandparents were going to send them that year, even down to the exact penny. This wisdom never changed after she joined the force, she had always been one of the better detectives in the Boston PD, always knew _exactly_ who had fired the fatal shot that killed their victims. All of her life she had simply chalked it up to wisdom and her street smarts; people were always _so_ predictable, even if they were strangers to her. However, this day, this exact moment in time, was one that Jane could have never expected, would have never even thought of being a possibility, even on one of her best days.

He had been a dirty cop. A _fucking_ dirty cop. A dirty cop who was responsible for the shooting of her beautiful baby brother. A dirty cop who had been responsible for all of those murders and held without the slightest bit of compassion for his victims. Bobby Marino had been a mole, a dirty cop for perhaps his entire career in the police force. And now, it is this dirty cop who is holding her hostage, a gun pointed to her head, with a cold and dead look written within his eyes. She should have saw this coming, but there were no signs, nothing that told her to run to cover, nothing that told her to be suspicious. The cold barrel of the gun pushes deeper into her jet black hair as she swallows the breath in her throat, but she _should_ have been, she should have _known_. How did she not see this coming?

"Come on, Bobby. Let me go. It's over," Jane communicates with her captor. She wonders what it would take to get to him, to make him realize that he has a life that is not worth giving up for something like this. Maura would know, she chuckled quietly to herself, of course she would, she loved probing people's minds. She would know how a kidnapper and a serial killer thinks, she would know how to get inside of his brain, to understand the way he thinks. If only she had listened to her all those times she ranted about serial killers instead of counting the freckles on her face or noticing the way that her lips turned upward in a smile.

"And what? Lose the game? No way, Rizzoli. You are my greatest prize. You're my one way ticket out of here," Bobby guffaws a laugh, clearly showing no remorse for everything that he has done. He wraps his other arm around her neck, holding her small but muscular body against his own, defeating her attempted squirms to free herself.

"Are you ready to put on our little show, huh?" Bobby whispers in her ear, a manic smile upon his face. She wonders when it happened, when he turned to be such a crook, what had drove him to become a deranged gun man instead of an endearing cop whose only concern was protecting the people. Had it been something political that drove him over the edge? A social misfortune? Or was he simply a ticking time bomb since the very first day they gave him his badge? She wonders if he had planned this event, these murders and assaults or where they simply a spur of the moment, save your own ass type of deal? Choking back the fear in her throat, Jane thinks of a lot of things, but mostly she fears what is waiting on the other side of that door.

"Don't forget to smile, baby. They want to see a good show, eh?" Bobby chuckles, placing a kiss on her temple and her stomach churns, the beads of sweat dripping down her face. She can feel her heart racing in her chest, every powerful beat against her rib cage, she can feel her breaths echoing down her hollow throat and the hot blood pulsing through the course of her veins. The tears want to cloud within her dark brown eyes but she fights them away, she fights away the fear, the uncertainty, because she can't give him that. She _won't_ give him that.

"You can end this right now, Bobby and everything will be okay. The second you walk out that door, everything is going to change," Jane reasons with him but he only bellows a laugh, a snort escaping from within him as he presses the cold gun harder into her skull, his grip tightening around her neck.

"Don't you get it, you stupid bitch? Nothing _is_ okay. Nothing _will ever_ be okay! I've killed people and I sure as hell won't hesitate to kill you if you don't shut your fucking mouth. All you have to do is smile for the cameras, alright? And you'll stay alive," Bobby instructs, leading her to the blue door of the station house. She squirms, kicks and thrashes trying to free herself from his tight embrace but she fails to escape from his strength. He lets out a shaky breath and Jane notices as they take in the scene of snipers and police cars awaiting their arrival.

"One shooter. One hostage," A voice evaluates the situation as he pushes open the door of the station house with the help of Jane. Gasps echoed through the crowd of the snipers and the familiar faces of her crew as they all realize exactly how serious the situation truly is. She knows they must have seen it, the cold, miserable dead look in his eyes, the degrading smirk upon his face. Bobby Marino is not like all the other captors and kidnappers they have been face to face with all of these years, and perhaps he is one that they do not have the skill or the training to defeat.

"Bobby, let her go. It's over," Korsak states, standing beside of Frost only a few feet away from the station house, guns aimed and ready at her captor. Their eyes meet, even if only briefly and they both let out a disheartening sigh. Jane Rizzoli is a lot of things; stubborn, tough, loud, and perhaps a little rude but never in her entire life had she ever been afraid for her life, never had she been this weak, this vulnerable, until now. And seeing this, here and now, without the power to stop it, shook both Vincent and Barry to the core of everything they ever stood for.

"Bobby, please, this is over, please," Jane pleads, the hot, wet tears clouding within her dark eyes. His grip tightens against her neck as her heart slams in a heavy beat inside of her chest, her breath lost somewhere in her throat as her mind races in a thousand different directions. She had been trained to handle situations like this but nobody had ever warned her that one day, she would be on the other side of that infamous invisible line of justice and fear.

"Now, didn't I tell you to be quiet? Hmm? Guess I'm going to have to kill you after all, pretty lady, " His deep voice mumbles against her earlobe, creating chills to erupt up her arms and spine. For all the things that she believed in, none of them could save her now. Weak, vulnerable and helpless, Jane can only struggle at the hands of her captor, the only person who makes the call if she lives or dies now. Thrashing in his arms, her mind can not help but wander back to Maura. Beautiful and brave Maura. The only person to make sense of her, the only person to see her for everything that is and not walk away from her. The only person that she trusted with her whole heart. Did she know it? How much she meant to her? Did she know it? That she loved her?

_"Why are you doing this?" She asks, wrinkling her brow together and the blond simply shrugs._

_"Because I have your back, Jane," Maura smiles that breath taking smile that Jane can feel in the pit of her stomach and she can only shake her head in response._

She is shaken from the flashback as Bobby pulls her harder against him, cradling the gun very carefully within his hands, listening to the surroundings around him. Would this be the way that it ended for her? At the hand of some deranged, psychopath? Would she never get the chance to tell her mother exactly how she felt about her and her overprotective ways? Would she never get the chance to tell Frankie how proud she is of him? Would she never get the chance to see Maura again?

"Put the gun down, Bobby! Don't make it worse on yourself! Let her go!," Korsak exclaims, his gun aimed directly toward the man as he and Frost slowly approach him. Frantically, Jane scans the scene, snipers, cops, the FBI, they were all ready to save her, so what in the hell is taking them so fucking long?

"I got you," Bobby chuckles, dragging Jane down the street with him as Korsak and Frost follow him, watching his every movement, waiting for the perfect chance to take him down and free Jane.

"Shoot him! Just shoot him! Please! Just shoot him!" Jane pleads and Bobby laughs manically.

"You stupid bitch. You just don't know when to shut up, do you?" Bobby exclaims, tightening his arm around her neck as she gasps for air, thrashing her body against him, her fist pounding against his large, overbearing body.

"Please! Frankie's bleeding to death!" Jane's voice is stricken with panic and despair as her eyes stare deep into Vincent's, who only stands watching the entire scene to unfold in front of him. She wonders what is taking him so long, for all the years they have spent together, she knows that he can get this shot off in time. For all the years they spent together, did she not mean enough to him to try and save her?

"He's probably already dead anyway!" Bobby answers loudly, pushing the gun harder into the back of her skull as she struggles to free herself from him. She feels the bile rising in her throat at the thought of her baby brother laying on the table in Maura's morgue, struggling to breath, barely hanging on to life. It's her fault. It's all _her_ fault.

"Jane!" It is a familiar voice that calls out to her now, a voice that has provided comfort to her many of the nights that the nightmares are too much for her to handle. A voice that soothes her and calms her and steals her heart beat, even now, under the worst of circumstances. Both Jane and Bobby turn to find Dr. Maura Isles standing on the steps, her eyes pried open in the utmost fear at the situation bestowed before her. Her lips are pursed as a gush of air escapes within her, her gray eyes flickering to the most lovely offset of chocolate brown. For a moment nothing is said, simply because nothing _needs_ to be said.

"Maura," Her name falls softly from Jane's lips as the blond stands, helplessly watching the scene in front of her.

"Jane I'm so sorr-" She takes a step toward Jane but before she can finish, Bobby's loud voice overpowers hers.

"If you so much as take a step toward her, I will not hesitate to shoot you, Dr. Isles. And as both you and Frankie know, I have very good aim," Bobby chuckles in a laugh, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a swift movement of his wrist. Glancing down, she contemplates the situation, her mind racing in a thousand different directions at once. She's been there, at the end of that barrel, she knows exactly how hard Jane's heart is beating and exactly how afraid she is, whether she would admit it or not. Jane Rizzoli was bossy, tough, loud, slightly obnoxious, and occasionally rude, she was far too tall and could easily tackle her without thinking twice about it. All of these things had once sent Maura running from a potential mate but she is beginning to realize that with Jane, perhaps it is the best relationships start that way. Biting her bottom lip, she studies her hands for a moment before her eyes flicker back to Jane's and neither of them have to say anything because it is simply understood.

_"It's a good thing you're not my type." Maura jokes a smile as Jane gasps. _

_"What do you mean I'm not your type? That's **so** rude!" Jane exclaims as Maura laughs. _

Swallowing back the cry in her throat, it takes all that she has left inside of her to keep the tears from springing from her eyes. There has been so many times when she wished that she could have told her, so many times when she felt so many things for her, so many things that she knew that nobody would ever understand. There has been so many times when Jane has been in her bed and her arms were around her when she wished that she could have pressed her lips against hers and everything would have made sense. But Jane is her friend. Her _best_ friend. The only friend she has ever had so it was easier to love her from afar and not say anything than to say something and lose her forever. But now, she realizes, that she may lose her forever anyway. She may lose her without her knowing exactly what she feels for her, exactly how much she loves her.

"Isles! Get out of the way!" Frost calls out to her but her eyes never leave Jane's face. The light dances across the perfect angles upon her face, the lines telling a story of where she has been and where she is going, lines that tell a story of love and heart break. The gash upon her head dribbles with the slightest amount of blood and it catches her eye and she swallows hard, gnawing on her bottom lip, evaluating and contemplating her next move.

"Maura! Go!" Jane yells at her best friend and the blond winces at the sound of pain in her voice. She's seen her angry, she has seen her hostile but this Jane is so new to her. She can see the fear written within the swirls of chocolate in her eyes, she can see the pain and the selfless. She can't do this. Not for her. No, she grinds her teeth down hard, she won't let her.

"No! I said that I had your back, remember?" Maura exclaims loudly at her best friend, the tears clouding within her gray eyes. Jane's lips part as they tremble, trying to form words but she fails as Bobby's arm tightens around her neck, pulling her tighter against him as he rests the gun in the crook of her neck. Instead she only smiles at the woman, the loyal and fearless woman who stands before her now and she regrets never allowing herself to let her in.

"It's okay, I forgive you. Go. Go back to Frankie," Jane pleads but Maura shakes her head, choking out a cry.

"No, I am not leaving you here, Jane!" Maura snaps, standing her ground with her and Jane smiles at her. So much for not being able to stand up for herself, Jane chuckles inwardly. She loves this side of Maura, the flaming passionate side, the side that only she gets to see. Staring at her now, she sees the passion that flushes in her eyes and she knows that she will be fine without her.

"Maura," Jane begins in a pleading whisper but the words fail her. What is she to say now? What is she to tell the woman that she loves more than anything else in this world? What is she to say to the only person who can put her together when she is a broken mess? What is she to say to the only person who holds every piece of her? Maura rubs the crook of her neck, glancing over at Korsak, his gun pointed at Bobby, waiting for him to release Jane. Suddenly, it all makes sense to her now, suddenly it all clicks in her head. The only way that Bobby can be stopped is if he is shot and the only way that Frost and Korsak will try to get a shot at him is if he releases Jane and the only way that he will do that is if she is his target. She can't lose Jane, not here, not like this. When you love someone, she sighs, your brain doesn't function correctly. When you love someone, you forget about your morality, about the logic and statistics. When you love someone nothing else matters but that one person, their life, their health, their happiness. When you love someone, _nothing_ else matters.

"Jane," Maura says her name so sweetly that Jane knows that it's different, she knows that everything is different now. Catching Korsak's gaze, Maura nods her head carefully before she pulls out the gun from her back pocket, taking a step toward Bobby, aiming the gun directly at him as she cocks it and her finger trembles at the trigger. In the next five seconds, everything that Jane Rizzoli ever knew is ripped away from her. The gun is removed from her head as she is shoved onto the side walk in a hard tumble and her entire world begins to fade from her vision. The gun fires, the medical examiner cries out and the sound of another gun firing echoes through her ears. Bobby falls hard onto the sidewalk beside of her, blood soaking through the back of his shirt, his gun scattering beside of her.

"Rizzoli!" Vince calls out. Groaning, Jane rubs the crook in her neck, pushing her stomach up from the side walk, looking around of Maura, to find her beautiful smiling face staring back at her, talking about how everything is always a give and take relationship of team work but she can't find her. Glancing down, she finds the blond's body laying on the ground, a large puddle of blood forming behind her back.

"MAURA!" Jane cries out, jumping to her feet as she rushes to the girl. _Her_ girl. Falling to her knees, she scans the body of her best friend, noticing the gun shot wound to her chest. Without thinking, she places her hand over the wound, pulling Maura into her lap as she desperately tries to stop the bleeding. Looking up, she finds the scared and confused faces of her co workers staring back at her, all in shock at the limp body that now lays in her arms.

"Well don't just stand there! Call a goddamn ambulance!" Jane yells in a strained voice. She watches as the blood soaks under her hand, the tears form within her eyes as she struggles to keep them back. She studies her best friend's face as Maura's lips part, a shaky breath echoing down her hollow throat in a gasping cry. Using her free hand, she brushes a blond curl away from her best friend's face, choking back the cries as the tears fall from her brown eyes.

"Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Stay with me. Just stay with me. Keep breathing. Please keep breathing. I can't lose you here. Not now. Not like this. Come on, Isles," Jane instructs and Maura forces the weakest of weak smiles upon her face. Her eyes begin to droop as her body trembles in Jane's arms, the blood soaking under her hand, creating a large puddle on the gray side walk beneath them.

"R-R-R-R-em-ember wh-when I..I sa-said you w-weren't my-my type?" Maura struggles to catch a breath, her body shaking and trembling from the blood loss as the color drains from her face and lips. Jane says nothing, instead she only stares down at her, brushing her hair with her thumb and Maura sighs, "I-I-I li-lied." Choking out a loud cry, Jane laughs with a smile, shaking her head slightly.

"Don't. You can tell me later, okay? You can tell me how I have a perfectly shaped gluteus maximus, that my breasts are the right size for my body and are not vertically challenged, and Talk Google to me for the rest of your life. But right now, I just need to keep breathing for me, okay? Can you do that? Can you just keep breathing for me?" Jane pleads with the weakening girl in her arms and Maura only smiles up at her, her eyes drooping, her breaths becoming shallow and uneven.

"Y-y-you're b-b-bossy," Maura struggles to speak. She closes her eyes for a moment, before she opens them, finding Jane's dark brown eyes staring into hers, "J-J-Ja-Jane I..."

"I know. I know. Me too," Jane smiles down at her and Maura only nods her head before the fatigue captures her. Her eyes finally close as she falls into the darkness that consumes her, her body falling limp in Jane's arms as her breathing begins to slow until they stop completely. Tears flowing from her eyes, Jane begins compressions upon the lifeless body in her arms, the gasping cry falling from her strangled lips, the world beginning to slow around her.

"Where is that ambulance? I need a fucking ambulance! Do not do this, Isles! Don't you dare do this to me! Don't you dare go and get yourself killed because of me! Hang on! Just hang on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on," Jane pleads, performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation as Maura would correct her. The next ten minutes would be the longest of her life as she finds herself praying to a God that she doesn't necessarily believe in, praying for a miracle that she knows she doesn't deserve. She lets out the loudest, most heart wrenching cry that echoes through the streets of Boston. She cries out of fear, she cries out of pain, she cries out for Maura but mostly she cries out for their love that may never have a chance to be. This can't be the end for her, for them. Not here. Not this way.

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**Please Review**


	2. Chapter 2

Before The Worst

**Author: **Brittany

**Tagline: **_"Sacrificing your happiness, your life, for the one that you love, is by far the truest type of love." _- Unknown.

**Summary: **The gun fires, the medical examiner cries out and Jane Rizzoli's entire world falls apart. This can not be happening. Not now. Not like this.

**Pairing: **Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles

**Spoilers: **1X10: When The Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang

**Rated: R. **As some material may not be appropriate for all individuals.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **So, it's been a while since I've updated, I know, I'm sorry about that. Classes are insane right now. Insane. Finals and winter break is coming up so maybe I can focus some much needed attention on this fic. I am sorry that I kept you guys waiting for so long but I am back now with a long chapter to make up for my absence. I sincerely thank every one who read and reviewed my last chapter, it really means a lot to me to know that people are invested in this story. Hopefully this chapter does not disappoint.

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**Chapter Two**

She has never been the biggest fan of hospitals or making trips to see some over greedy doctor in a white lab coat. Hospitals have always made her uneasy; something about the way people are whisked away in gurneys with foreign objects sticking out of their bodies, something about the way they cry out in pain as doctors shout orders that sound like a completely different language that nobody else could understand. It's something about the fake bleach white smiles, about the perfect hair that frames their flawless faces, about the way they probe around your body, even though you have already informed them of the problem area. Jane Rizzoli simply does not like doctors, except for the one she loves indefinably. The doctor whose chilling face now haunts her with every blink of her long eyelashes, with every tick of the large clock mounted on the northeast wall, with every painful beat of her heart.

For as long as she has known her, Jane has witnessed Maura be a lot of things; socially awkward, scientifically brilliant, beautifully charming and magnificently stunning. She has watched as she stopped the entire world on its axis with her famous smile, watched men practically throw themselves at her with a bat of her long eyelashes and watched her crack cases that even the top scientists and detectives could not manage to solve. However, never has she known her to be so self sacrificing before, so reckless, so bravely stupid before. Maura knew the facts, she knew the statics, she knew all of the reasons to avoid a dangerous shooter like Bobby and yet she didn't. She approached him, she threatened him, she drew her gun, all of the things she knew better than to do. She came out unprotected, obtained a life threatening gun shot wound to the abdomen for _her_. To save _her_.

The ticking of the clock to pass another half hour causes a wincing reaction in Jane as she sighs in exhaustion. It has been nearly two hours since Bobby Marino was brought down, two hours since she watched Maura Isles literally give her life for her own right in front of her eyes, two hours since she watched her baby brother and her more than just a best friend be whisked away in an ambulance, two hours since she heard any news about the two people that she loves the most in the world. Her body shakes as another fit of trembles succumbs her now growing weak body and her stomach churns tightly as the sound of gunshots continue to echo in her ears. How did she not see this coming? How could she not have noticed all the signs? He was a dirty cop, a _dirty_ cop who left plenty of signs to be suspicious of him and his actions. How could she just let him come into their station and destroy their lives? How could she let him hurt her baby brother? How could she have simply just stood there and watched as his ripped her world, her solace away like that?

The tears flood within her dark brown eyes as she bites her bottom lip, suppressing the cry within her, slowly rocking herself in a back and forth motion on the edge of the hospital bed. She stares blankly at her upturned hands, at the blood stains that trace the lines upon her palm, the blood that didn't belong to her. Blood that belonged to Maura whom shivered and trembled in her arms before her heart stopped, blood that belonged to the one thing that brings her back from the edge, the only thing that matters to her. She remembers the way her body fell limp in her arms, the absence of her beating heart against her fingertips, the sound of her last gasping breath still echoes in the silence. Her body tenses as another convulsion of tremors overtake her and the painful tears fall from her eyes, splashing like acid rain down her cheeks. She stares at the blood on her hands and only staring at them, how could this have happened? Maura Isles could easily be the love of her life, how could she be so recklessly selfish and allow herself to get shot? How could she be _so_ stupid?

"Janey?" Angela's shaky voice calls out to her daughter as she pushes back the beige curtain that separates Jane from the hustle and bustle of Boston Memorial. However, Jane's eyes do not move from the blood stains upon her hands, instead her heart sinks a little heavier in her chest at the sound of her mother's voice. She licks her dry lips as an uneven breath echoes down her hollow throat in an unusual sound. Angela breathes a sigh of relief in the doorway, mumbling a sweet thank you to the heavens above and Jane does not have to look to know that her mother is brought to tears at the sight of another child of her's injured before her. She knows she must be staring at the gash above her eye and she would tell her it was nothing major, nothing that a few stitches couldn't fix if she could will herself to speak but even the sound of her own voice would deafen her now.

"Oh, my baby," Angela whispers weakly, almost voicelessly and Jane closes her eyes tightly, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling from her eyes. The older woman drops her purse in a disregarded chair in the corner that merely seems to be gathering dust and approaches her daughter, carefully placing her hand upon her shoulder and kisses her softly on her temple. For a moment there is only silence in the examination room; silence because nothing needs to be said, silence because nothing _can_ be said because there are no words to explain the feelings felt by both mother and daughter in this situation, silence because no words can change the events that brought them both painfully to their knees.

"Janey, your brother.." Angela begins but somehow, Jane finds strength that even surprises herself.

"I know, Ma," Jane mumbles, raking her nails through the knots and tangles of her raven black hair, taking in another long breath that aches under her ribs. Again, the silence overtakes the examination room as both of the Rizzoli women stare at the blood stains on Jane's hands and both of their hearts breaking.

"Oh sweetie, you look like hell. Not to worry, a little bit of cover up and a few touches of make up here and there and you'll be good as new. You'll be out on the dating force again in no time," Angela exclaims, twirling a raven curl between her fingers and a sick chuckle rumbles in Jane's dry throat. How is it possible that her mother could be so oblivious? She is not exactly the most feminine daughter, she hasn't exactly had a string of boyfriends in her history and she has not exactly kept her hands to herself when it comes to Maura. How many more clues did she need before she could finally piece it together that her daughter and the medical examiner had more than just friendship going on between them?

"Maybe we could actually get you in a dress, huh? There is this lovely little dress downtown and I saw it and I couldn't help but think of how lovely you would look it. I bought it. It's waiting in your room at the house for you. It's very delicate so be careful where you wear it to. No drinks. No sauces. It is sophisticated so try to look like a sophisticated lady when you wear it. Could you do that for me? Please?" Angela exclaims as Jane sighs in annoyance.

"I just.. I want you to be taken care of. I know that you have this whole fiercely independent, I can take care of myself, every one else be damned attitude going on but I worry about you. You need someone in your life. Someone who can take care of you, someone who will be there for you, provide the stability, the consistency, someone who can make you _happy_. Because, face it sweetheart, you haven't been happy in a really long time. I know that you think needing someone is a sign of weakness but it's not and.." However, Jane interrupts her mother.

"Ma, please shut up. Please just shut up, okay? Just shut up!" Jane snaps with a fierceness she was not even sure that she possessed in her at this moment in time. Angela pulls back, stunned at her daughter's anger, her lips pursed as she lets out a desperate sigh, one that only inflicts an eye roll of response in Jane.

"My kids... they... they want to be cops. They want to protect and serve their community. Stop the bad guys and save the innocent, consequences be damned. But you're not invincible! Neither of you are invincible! You're not some superhero who got bitten by some radioactive spider or crashed to earth on your mother ship! You are human, you are _my_ human! You could have _died_ today, don't you understand that? Bobby could have killed you! My son, my baby boy... and you... What is the purpose of this? What is the purpose of this, can you tell me that? He wanted to be like you, he wanted to make you proud, so he went and joined the stupid police force and he...he... I could have lost you too! So excuse me, for needing a distraction, for wanting to think about something, _anything_ else than this right now. I need to stop thinking, stop feeling because I don't want to feel _this_ any longer!" Angela snaps back but it breaks Jane, tears her down, to the core of everything that she has never known. In a bellowing cry, the detective throws her head back, the tears spewing from her auburn eyes as her heart cracks a little deeper in her chest.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I know that _all_ of this is my fault?" Jane barks in a cry.

"Jane, no," Angela breathes out in a hushed whisper.

"I was the one who found my brother laying in that empty stairwell, bleeding out with two gunshot wounds to his chest. Iwas the one who brought him down to the morgue to get him some help and I was the one who begged him to hang on. I was the one who Bobby held hostage, I was the one who... who...I know this is my fault, Ma. I don't need you and your stupid guilt telling me that. I know that maybe if I had just went on to college and been the kind of daughter that you wanted, that maybe Frankie and Maura.. God, stupid Maura. She.. she stood there and she let him shoot her. She stood there and let him shoot her so that she could save me. She didn't even.. she didn't even stop to think about me. she didn't even.. she didn't even think that I could... how could she think that I could _live_ without her?" Jane's voice cracks, surprising both herself and Angela. She never realized how close she had been to breaking down, she had not realized the burning tears that brim within her eyes, nor the deep cracks in her fragile heart. She never realized how much she truly needed Maura until _now_.

"She...she didn't think. She knew the statistics to receiving a gunshot wound at such a small distance, she knew there was no reasoning with Bobby, he was too lost.. too.. she knew... and she stood there... s-she pulled her gun... sh-she let him shoot her. She risked her life for me.. for.. what? Why? Why did she do that? She didn't even _think_ about me.. about the risks.. what made her think that she could just do this?" Jane's voice is wavering, threatening to crack into another fit of cries that she isn't so sure that she will be able to survive.

"Because she loves you," Angela replies so matter of factly, as if it is the answer to all the problems that haunt the young detective. Surprised by her mother's response, Jane's head snaps up as she stares at the older woman, her brow drawn together in confusion. Angela laughs half heartening, a playful smile curling upon her face, a smile so sincere that it catches both of the heart broken women off guard.

"What? You think I didn't know? Of course I knew. She hasn't exactly been shy about the way that she feels about you and you certainly haven't been very 'hands off' with her. Mothers _always_ know. When you love someone, Jane.." Angela's voice trails off as she runs her fingers through her daughter's hair, allowing the silence to speak more volume than her words ever would, "when you love someone, nothing else matters."

"Ma..." Jane sighs, closing her eyes tightly as her body throbs in another fit of aching pain. She bites her bottom lip feverishly, struggling to keep the tears, the unspoken words at bay because she knows once she starts, she is neither strong enough, nor patient enough to stop herself once again. In the silence, both of the women understand exactly what they will never say, they both understand the way that Jane feels for Maura, the way those feelings are returned and the way that maybe fate will never let them do anything about it. Their silence, however, is broken by the turning of the doorknob as it opens to reveal a very defeated and exhausted Frost on the other side. His eyes meet Jane's and he winces, smiling apologetically toward the both of them.

"Rizzoli... it's good to see you up. You look good," It is forced, she can tell my the way he moves his face when he talks. She knows what he must be thinking, she looks better sitting here in the hospital bed with a giant cut to her face than lying downstairs in a morgue with a gunshot wound to her chest. She studies his face for a moment, the lines upon them, the dark circles under his eyes, she knows he must be exhausted and hurting, maybe not as much as she is, but hurting none the less. Frankie and Maura were a part of his team too, maybe they weren't his brother or his more than just a best friend, but they were still a part of him.

"Thanks, Frost," She forces a smile in his general direction and he nods his head in response. He shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other, his hand absently playing with the badge upon his belt loop. She hates it, the way that she notices the smallest things about people now. Maura has rubbed off on her, perhaps not in the best of ways.

"Mrs. Rizzoli, I am so sorry about.."

"Thank you," Angela stops him from mentioning her youngest son with a soft nodding of her head, the blistering tears once again appearing within her beautifully pained eyes. He sighs, returning his attention to Jane whom only focuses yet again on her blood stained hands, on the evidence that she has left of the young woman who so valiantly and fearlessly allowed a deranged gun man put a bullet in her body in order to save her own life.

"They gave me an update on Maura. Her body is in pretty bad shock. They rushed her into surgery but the bullet has done some massive damage to her internal organs. They are trying to make the repairs and get out of there as quickly as they can but... she's... they can't stop the bleeding, Jane. Something about her blood not clotting correctly and.. she's.. her vitals are weak. It's.. it's not looking good," Frost manages to force out of his lips in a rushed mumble. For a moment, there is nothing but heart wrenching silence before a sick chuckle escapes from Jane, one that nobody seems to understand.

"Unbelievable," Jane mumbles and Frost only stands, his brow wrinkled as he takes a careful step toward the broken woman, his hand extended toward her.

"Jane, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do..."

"Yeah, there is actually. You can give me a ride to Maura's. I have to feed Bass," Jane exclaims as she slowly stands, removing the IV from her arm with a husky groan. Frost's eyes dart between Jane and Angela, dumfounded and confused, he only shakes his head. Although he thinks that she must be some kind of insane, the smile wants to play upon his lips upon seeing the stubborn, fighting Jane within her instead of the ghost of a mess he had expected.

"Sweetheart, you could have died today. You shouldn't be going anywhere," Angela states, her fingers curling upon her daughter's forearm. Jane only smiles at her mother, patting her hands softly before she steps away from the woman's grasp, fumbling absently around the empty, wrinkled bed, a careful hum in the back of her throat.

"Ma, I'm fine. If I wasn't fine, they would have moved me somewhere more critical by now, don't you think? The only thing that I have is this awful cut but like you said, it's not really a big deal. Some neosporin and careful placement of some ice, and it will be taken care of. The only reason they are keeping me here is to make sure that I don't go crazy and do something insane like throw myself off the top of a building or something. But I am _fine_. I am neither suicidal nor insane, at least not to the point where I want to harm myself or someone else. I almost died but I didn't and now I want to get out of here," Jane explains in a huff, forcing the pain familiarity in her voice because who is she to complain? Who is she to say that she is not okay? She is neither dead nor fighting off death, who is she to take attention away from those who need it most?

"Rizzoli, I really don't think that's a good idea. Maura needs you here. If she wakes up and you're not here... she's.. she needs you," Frost instructs, taking another careful step toward her. The detective stops her motions, falling still and silent before she laughs softly, shaking her head as her mess of hair frames her face.

"Maura _needs_ me? She needs me? No, she doesn't need me. She doesn't need anyone. Because if she needed me then she wouldn't have let herself get shot, she wouldn't have let me hold her in my arms, she wouldn't have looked up at me with her sad Maura eyes and tell me that she loves... no. No, you're wrong. She doesn't _need_ me," Jane snaps. Angela holds her breath for a moment, allowing to escape in a rush from her pursed lips as she sadly smiles at Frost.

"I don't think it's like that. She needs you. She is going to wake up and she is going to be scared. She won't know what happened or why she is here and she's going to be alone. She needs a friendly face, she needs love. She needs you and whether you admit it or not, you need her just a little bit, too," Angela pokes at her daughter.

"What am I going to do for her? Huh? She's in surgery, you heard what they said, she could be in there for a long time. They are trying to stabilize her, to stop her from bleeding out, I can't be in there, I can't be holding her hand, I can't have my hands inside of her trying to stop the blood. I can't do anything but sit here and watch and wait and that's insane because that does nothing for any of us. What I can do, however, is go to her apartment. I can feed Bass, I can take care of him so that if she does wake up, she doesn't have to worry about him. I want to be here with her more than anything but I _can't_ and I need you to understand that. Now is somebody going to drive me or am I going to have to walk to the damn place myself?" Jane snaps, popping her collar before she walks out of the examination room in a hustle of anger and fear; the two things that she would never let anyone except for Maura ever see.

* * *

When she opens the door to Maura's apartment, she misses the sound of her voice calling out to her, the sound of her laughter echoing through out the empty hallway, she misses the way her smile would light up the room that she walked into. Now there is only silence, heart breaking, life changing silence and she can not help but think maybe that is all it will ever be. Maybe her smile will never light up a room again, maybe the sound of her humming some stupid jazz song will forever drift away in the silence of the room, maybe the sound of her voice will fall mute and her laugh will never be heard in a melodic smile again.

Jane sighs, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand as she lays the keys down upon the marble counter top. The faint scent of her perfume floats through out the air, playing under her nose and trying to turn an upward smile onto her face. Vanilla with a hint of some fancy perfume that Jane can't quite put her finger on mixed with determination and strength, those were all the things that made her smile when Maura approached her. She misses it now, the absence of her, her body her scent, her smile, her heart. She misses _everything _about her.

"_Give me that," Maura demands, reaching for the gun disregarded on the coffee table. _

_"No! Its loaded!" Jane exclaims, stopping her hand, just inches from grabbing hold of the cool metal weapon. The blond studies her face for a moment, licking her dry lips as she draws in a long, steady breath. _

_"I'll stay up," Maura offers carelessly but Jane shakes her head. _

_"It's loaded! No!" She demands through gritted teeth._

_"Magazine capacity, fifteen. Trigger pull, 2.5 kilograms. Line of sight, 153 millimeters," Maura replies matter of factly, a familiar smirk threatening to curl upon her lips. Jane can only roll her eyes inwardly, she hates how much she loves it, the way that she talks Google to her, the way that she pretends to be all knowing, even though when it comes to the simplistic things she is troubled. _

_"Have you ever shot one?" Jane asks, knowing the answer. _

_"Um... no..." _

_"Noooooo..."_

_"But I'm a fast learner!" Maura smiles brightly, the same smile that melts Jane, the smile that causes the quiver of her knees and the racing of her heart. She squints her eyes, watching her carefully as she contemplates her next move, she is determined and stubborn, she will give her that. However, in the mist of all the qualities that should send Jane and any other human being running, she can not help but think how absolutely perfect she is. Grabbing the gun off the table, she empties the bullets with a grumbling sigh before she places it within Maura's hands. _

_"Okay, point it. Wrap your left hand like this," The taller woman takes the medical examiners hand within her own, placing it around the gun, allowing their bodies to become woven together. The scent of her shampoo fills her nose as her soft skin melts under hers and a playful giggle escapes from her lips and Jane Rizzoli swears that in that moment, she damn near almost dies, "Okay, now, push and pull. Loosen up. There you go, same amount of force." Their faces are inches away from one another, she is close... __**so**__ close, she can feel her breath on her face and her stomach tightens, her breath becomes rigid, "Okay?" She whispers barely audible, both of her arms around Maura's petite body, her hands on hers. _

_"Okay," Maura smiles at her._

_"You look good," Jane chuckles as she takes the gun away from Maura who instantly pouts at the absence of her warmth around her. _

_"You're laughing at me," She deliberately pouts, pretending to be offended by Jane's harmony of a laugh. The detective groans before she places the gun back within the medical examiner's hands, fighting with every amount of strength she has inside of her to keep the smile from her face._

_"Okay, it's loaded. I'm only doing this because I'm tired. Point it that way. Now, don't shoot my neighbors because I would hate to have to lock you up," Jane teases as she slowly stands. _

_"Jane? Do I look bad ass?" Maura asks, holding the gun in her hands and Jane only laughs with a delicate smile. How could she? How could she tell her that she looks so inhumanly cute, that she looks so precious and amazingly beautiful with that gun tucked between her fingers? How could she tell her that she made her heart race and her palms grow sweaty? No, instead she only laughs with a bright smile. _

_"Yeah, you look like a bad ass," laughs Jane._

"Damn it!" Jane cries out in frustration as she swipes the counter, allowing the wine bottles to crash around the room around her, the glass shattering instantly as it meets the tiled floor. Grasping the counter top, her body wavers as the memory haunts her, her breaths becoming struggled, raspy, weak, lost somewhere within her broken body. Her chest tightens as the tears cloud her vision and her body begins to tremble.

"How could you fucking do this, Maura? How could you do this to me? How could you just... g-go and get yourself shot? How could you do that? You knew how I felt, you felt the exact same way! You knew... why did you do that? How could you? Why didn't you think of me, huh? Didn't you think of me at all? How could you think that I could do this without you? I can't fucking _breathe_ without you!" Jane snaps in her break down. The sobs escape her in hoarse, loud cries, the tears falling down her cheeks, creating indefinite puddles on the marble counter top in which she is grasping tightly. Her world spins and turns, her stomach twisting in knots, her knees shaking as she tries to make sense of it, of something, of anything, of how she could lose the one person that means that most to her? In the middle of her break down, however, something cold brushes against her leg. Glancing down, she notices Bass at her feet, his large head sticking out from his shell, his tired eyes staring at her face. Sighing, she lowers herself to his level, allowing her fingertips to trace the different patterns on his back.

"Oh Bass," She whispers and the tortoise watches her with his tired eyes before he lets out a yawn. She smiles, nodding her head as she slips onto the floor, resting her back against the counter, softly stroking the tortoise. Bass takes a slow steady step toward her, throwing his mouth open in a yawn and she smiles, nodding her head as she allows her own auburn eyes to drift closed as well.

"Yeah, I miss her, too, buddy," She mumbles, "I miss her too."

* * *

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